She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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