Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
