Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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