: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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