Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
