I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
