my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
