your room smells of hookers.
And success
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
