he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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