i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
