Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
