i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
