Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I see more hoeing in ur future
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
