While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
