I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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