forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
