What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
