I'm jealous of your bromance
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
