At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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