Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
