So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
