do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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