You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
