The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
