you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
