Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
