You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
