I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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