I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
