I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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