he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
