I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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