I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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