I think im going to throw up on grandma
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
