she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
