at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
