Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
