do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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