Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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