she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
