Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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