God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
