I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
