We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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