I think i peed on brittanys purse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
