It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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