but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
