Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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