Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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