i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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