I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
