I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
