Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
