You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
