I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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