Sry I called you an 8
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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