Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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