Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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