just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
