it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is Oprah even human
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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