I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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