We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
