Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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