When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
