Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The best revenge is premature balding
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
