Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
