There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
