In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
