The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
God I need to hump something, right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
