My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
