I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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