I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
