she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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