I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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