I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
