Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The best revenge is premature balding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
