You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
